Hello all you hard edged souls, PPR swingers, and dynasty curious. This Saturday, June 7th, we have our Dynasty Start Up Draft for the esoterically named “Blood In Blood Out” league. If you have not seen the movie, I highly recommend half an edible, a soft spongy pillow, and a charcuterie board made up of vegan cheeses.
EW
Most of you know me fairly well, we’re family, life partners, but some of us are just passing acquaintances like kittens in a no-kill shelter. Some of you are Dynasty veterans, and some of you still don’t know who shot JR. That’s cool, it was Maggie Simpson.
However, we are all new to this league and new this particular group of misfits, so I’d like to start with a few suggestions that will make things relatively drama free, fun for all, and wheelchair accessible:
FIRST . . . The Draft itself . . . Have your cheat sheets ready . . . make sure your internet connection is solid . . . make sure you’re able to log on to the Sleeper Ap. If you have a significant other, I want you to repeat this phrase over and over again until it is etched into your very bones:
“Hey Honey . . . it’s 3:30pm Pacific Standard Time and my really neat Dynasty Draft is going to begin in an hour. Is there anything you’d like me to do before then?”
This phrase is crucial. It lets your much much better half know that his/her/their priorities come first and that you have set aside a specific boundary for your priorities. If instead you’re getting yelled at from the kitchen, you’re gonna accidentally draft Ray Rice from a misguided sense of spite, and like Carrie’s mother said “We’re all gonna laugh at you.”
Also, there are 23 rounds, please be ready with your next pick. I get the using your entire time, it’s your time, you earned it, but some of us (looking at you Joann) suffer from homicidal psychosis when impatient and will shank a guy. It’s me . . . I’m the guy getting shanked.
SECOND . . . Trades . . . Trades are fun and more than just a little anxiety inducing. When everyone is actively trading, the league is just better. When you receive a trade offer, consider it, amend it, or reject it as soon as you can. A rejected trade is not a personal rejection, so don’t feel bad. You just like your guy, or you don’t like that other guy, or you don’t want to make Adam’s team better. All good reasons. Keep the trades flowing.
Also . . . I trust that you are all competitive (again, looking at you Joann) so I will not be micromanaging any trades that happen. There will not be a voting period. Trades go through automatically. However, because my wife and I share a bank account, and because we root for each other to succeed in real life, I will allow you to protest any trade that happens between us. Just send Adam a DM and let him arbitrate, I will most likely pull the trade, unless I think you’re just being difficult.
Don’t be difficult.
Lastly . . . TANKING . . . For the new to Dynasty, tanking is where you deliberately roster a weak team in order to lose in order to get a higher draft position in the following rookie draft. It happens all the time in real NFL, it happens all the time in Dynasty leagues. Personally, I don’t like it. I play to either win, or to make sure you lose. But draft position can be a real important thing too, so I get the impulse.
There are very strong feelings on all sides of the argument and there are all kinds of intricate methods to keep a league from getting nasty about it. But in all honesty, I wanna eat nachos and talk gentle smack, I don’t wanna police that one guy.
If tanking is something you feel like you wanna consider, just please check and make sure that your tanking doesn’t have playoff implications for other teams in the league. Just imagine yourself vying for that final playoff spot, and your sworn enemy (which is all y’all) gets a lay-up against a tanking team. You’d hate that. You’d complain about it. You’d ask yourself “Does this tie go with this blouse?” Be courteous, be competitive. If I see and unfilled roster I will DM you.
The DM will read like this: “Don’t forget to fill your roster Dad, jeezy creazy.”
If it becomes a problem, we’ll address it the following year, but please, I’m an artist, don’t make me do math.
That is all I got for now. As always, forever yours, hugs and kisses, bless this mess, measure twice cut once, Go ahead and pull grandpa’s finger, it makes him so happy.
Josh
